life out of balance
Koyaanisqatsi: Ko-yaa-nis-qatsi (from the Hopi language), n. 1. crazy life. 2. life in turmoil. 3. life out of balance. 4. life disintegrating. 5. a state of life that calls for another way of living.
During my last visit home to Texas, I woke up really early one morning, so I flipped on the television to explore the digital cable channels while waiting for the rest of the house to come to life. I managed to catch the last 15 minutes or so of a film that I have been wanting to see for a long time, Koyaanisqatsi . The part of the film that I saw was absolutely hypnotic (and wonderful)... repetitive sped-up images of people, cars, etc., all moving through life in rhythm (all set to the haunting music of Phillip Glass). Lately it feels like life is just racing by me in one giant blur from one day to the next, much like those images from the movie.
I used to cringe when I'd hear my mother say (with respect to time), "Oh, it only feels faster and faster the older you get..." but right now I'm finding that she's right. (eek! yet more proof that we do turn into our parents. *shudder*) When my kids were younger (even as young as infants), I felt busy, but I still managed to work a full-time job, exercise daily, cook regular meals, and occasionally have a bit of a social life. I keep looking for some scientific explanation of how that was ever possible.
So now my kids are older, one is out of the house and driving (this is not to say that he doesn't still require time, energy, and -- last but definitely not least -- MONEY ;) and yet it feels like my life has morphed into some not-so-funny version of Groundhog Day. I truly love my job, and there's seldom ever a day that I wake up with that "god, I wish I didn't have to go to work today" feeling (for which I'm grateful). When I do, it isn't because of the work itself, but the million other things that I would like to do as well. But lately, when the alarm goes off in the morning, the first thought that goes through my head is Bill Murray waking up to the radio playing I Got You Babe. Anyway, instead of droning on about the mundane aspects of my current life, where I was really going with all this is to say: Since starting this blog I have noticed this phenomenon as I repetitively move about my groundhog days, and that is that I find myself "mentally blogging" all day long. I suppose I probably did this before and just didn't think of it in the context of "blogging", but just a mind constantly racing with thoughts. I've been having so much fun with the (real) blogging... sifting through the ideas trying to decide which ones are blogworthy...searching for just the right photo to illustrate what I'm trying to say (this is one of my favorite parts)...but I also find it somewhat frustrating because of the sheer lack of time, and even more so by my own reluctance when it comes to "public writing".
I know what I want to say, but I truly struggle when it comes to figuring out how to say it. Also, as some may have noticed, most of my blog posts tend to stay pretty "surface-y" so far. I admire so much the blogs that I read that are deep and personal, and that is really what I have longed for over the past several years when entertaining the idea of creating my own blog. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm still trying to find my "voice" here, but I think with each post it's getting a little easier. I've often said that I am not a person of strong opinions, which is the basis of many of the blogs out there (but of course those are not my favorites nor the ones I read regularly), but I have always been a deep-thinker (sometimes to my own detriment). I hope in time I will reach a point of comfort (and confidence) here to spew out a few of those thoughts along with the lighter ones.
Okay, it's time for me to get back to the rapid and mundane part of life. While I'm at it, I think I'm going to try to stop by Blockbuster and pick up Koyaanisqatsi. The part I saw was fascinating and I'd love to see the rest. Of course it may be better to save it for a later time, when I have some time to myself to slow down and really absorb it.
During my last visit home to Texas, I woke up really early one morning, so I flipped on the television to explore the digital cable channels while waiting for the rest of the house to come to life. I managed to catch the last 15 minutes or so of a film that I have been wanting to see for a long time, Koyaanisqatsi . The part of the film that I saw was absolutely hypnotic (and wonderful)... repetitive sped-up images of people, cars, etc., all moving through life in rhythm (all set to the haunting music of Phillip Glass). Lately it feels like life is just racing by me in one giant blur from one day to the next, much like those images from the movie.
I used to cringe when I'd hear my mother say (with respect to time), "Oh, it only feels faster and faster the older you get..." but right now I'm finding that she's right. (eek! yet more proof that we do turn into our parents. *shudder*) When my kids were younger (even as young as infants), I felt busy, but I still managed to work a full-time job, exercise daily, cook regular meals, and occasionally have a bit of a social life. I keep looking for some scientific explanation of how that was ever possible.
So now my kids are older, one is out of the house and driving (this is not to say that he doesn't still require time, energy, and -- last but definitely not least -- MONEY ;) and yet it feels like my life has morphed into some not-so-funny version of Groundhog Day. I truly love my job, and there's seldom ever a day that I wake up with that "god, I wish I didn't have to go to work today" feeling (for which I'm grateful). When I do, it isn't because of the work itself, but the million other things that I would like to do as well. But lately, when the alarm goes off in the morning, the first thought that goes through my head is Bill Murray waking up to the radio playing I Got You Babe. Anyway, instead of droning on about the mundane aspects of my current life, where I was really going with all this is to say: Since starting this blog I have noticed this phenomenon as I repetitively move about my groundhog days, and that is that I find myself "mentally blogging" all day long. I suppose I probably did this before and just didn't think of it in the context of "blogging", but just a mind constantly racing with thoughts. I've been having so much fun with the (real) blogging... sifting through the ideas trying to decide which ones are blogworthy...searching for just the right photo to illustrate what I'm trying to say (this is one of my favorite parts)...but I also find it somewhat frustrating because of the sheer lack of time, and even more so by my own reluctance when it comes to "public writing".I know what I want to say, but I truly struggle when it comes to figuring out how to say it. Also, as some may have noticed, most of my blog posts tend to stay pretty "surface-y" so far. I admire so much the blogs that I read that are deep and personal, and that is really what I have longed for over the past several years when entertaining the idea of creating my own blog. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm still trying to find my "voice" here, but I think with each post it's getting a little easier. I've often said that I am not a person of strong opinions, which is the basis of many of the blogs out there (but of course those are not my favorites nor the ones I read regularly), but I have always been a deep-thinker (sometimes to my own detriment). I hope in time I will reach a point of comfort (and confidence) here to spew out a few of those thoughts along with the lighter ones.
Okay, it's time for me to get back to the rapid and mundane part of life. While I'm at it, I think I'm going to try to stop by Blockbuster and pick up Koyaanisqatsi. The part I saw was fascinating and I'd love to see the rest. Of course it may be better to save it for a later time, when I have some time to myself to slow down and really absorb it.
posted by my imperfect offering at 9:49 AM
3 Comments:
I am also aware of the sand in the hour glass - and how there seemed to be more time then than now. Now there are more choices and more obligations. The cell phone, the Internet and the availability of perpetual entertainment steal my time. Can you remember when there was "nothing to do"? Summers that seemed to drag on forever? We would use our imaginations and make stuff up. Maybe blogging has an element of making fiction out of life. Just like in "Big Fish", it is not the content of real life but the romantic way the story is told that separates mundane facts from incredible tales.
Also, thanks for the tip on Koyaanisqatsi. Since it is on Sundance, I can watch it Thursday morning at 8:30am or if I miss it, I can catch it On Demand this month.
the beginning of Koyaanisqatsi is mesmerizing, and then about half an hour into it, i start to fall asleep. And then the buildings fall and man turns it all chaotic, and i'm awake again. Mesmerized, but this time afraid of what we're doing to ourselves.
When i was in college, Koyaanisqatsi was very rare, not yet released on DVD. My brother was a stoner and wanted to see it, with some chemical assistance. So i found a nice little cult video store in Hollywood that rented it, and quickly made a few copies. He was quite pleased. Since then, the third movie in the trilogy has been released (Naqoyqatsi), the DVDs are out, and i believe Koyaanisqatsi was even one of the first full movies available for download on the internet. How fitting.
It's all out of balance. The events of the last week just make that more clear.
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